Again, my perceptions may be useless since I’m not a PBP, but the message that I get from a lot of the letters I’ve looked at is that they’re much more about the adoptive family than the placing family. Obviously, the letter is to introduce the PAP to the PBP, but I think that introduction can be made without it being quite so one-sided, and in a way that acknowledges what the PBP is going through, but not in a trite way. In a way that tells about your family in an interesting and unique way, but without relying on stereotypes. In a way that assures that you’d be great parents to a child, but without diminishing the importance of the child’s first parents. For LDS PAPs, especially (how’s that for some alphabet soup?), it’s essential that PBP be assured that you can provide a loving two-parent, eternal family, but at the same time, be sensitive to fact that the PBP realizes they, too, are making a decision with eternal ramifications.

For a slightly more objective take on what makes a good “dear birthparent” letter, here are some good resources with commentary from actual birthmothers. Both contain excellent information and can help prospective adoptive parents increase the chances their letters will be read while still being respectful of and sensitive to the parents considering adoption.

Dear Birthmom Letters

Dear Birthparent Letters

This book, Reaching Out, is a guide for writing a good “dear birthmother” letter.

You might also consider reading the opinion of a birthmother who opposes solicitation of any kind for a baby. I certainly don’t agree with every point she makes, but for balance and completeness’ sake, I felt it important to include it.

I realize that even though looking through adoption profiles made me feel as if finding the perfect adoptive parents would be akin to finding a needle in a haystack, God can and does help PBPs find just the right families for their children if they decide to place. Thank goodness for prayer and counsel with family and church leaders, otherwise, it would be a much more difficult process, indeed. And thank goodness for birthparents who are willing to share their experience and expertise to benefit everyone in the adoption triad. The guides above are excellent resources, and will help you write an effective, respectful letter. :)