Before I get going with this entry, I want to make it clear right off the bat that I don’t believe any expectant parent who is merely considering an adoption plan should be referred to as a “birthparent.” I used the above title only because it is commonly used and lets you know immediately what this entry is about, but at the same time, I hope this post adequately explains why it might be best to avoid this type of address in a letter.

The letter that hopeful adoptive parents write to prospective birthparents is probably the most crucial part of their adoption portfolio. Photo albums and scrapbooks and other written information about the family are also important parts, but the letter provides the opportunity for the two sets of parents to spark a connection on an emotional level. Because this letter is so important, prospective adoptive parents (hereafter PAPs) should give it special consideration and attention. While there’s no ONE right or wrong way to write such a letter, I decided to do some reading of letters from PAPs to get a feel for what everyone is doing these days.

I suppose it’s something of a necessary evil that the typical “dear birthparent” letter takes on the form that it traditionally does. There’s something about the average letter that reminds me of personal ads. I know people who’ve met their spouses through personal ads and things have turned out wonderfully for them, but it’s that initial kind of distasteful, but requisite, selling of yourself that is hard to swallow. At least for me. I don’t know an alternative though, so this is merely an observation. I’ve never been in the shoes of a mom considering adoption, and really, who’s to say what approach will be most effective? To be sure, there is no one method that will appeal to all PBPs. All I can do is guess about how I’d feel if I were really pregnant and perusing hundreds of letters, all of them pleading, in a variety of ways, to choose the people the letters represent for my baby.

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