In part one, I talked about how troubling it can be when others view adoption negatively and choose to tell us about it. Negative comments are hard to take from any source, but at least for me, are particularly hurtful when they come from people at church. In this post, I’ll discuss some ways we can get past our hurt feelings, and in part three, ways we can talk – amicably – with those who offend.

One fabulous reminder I got from a friend is that “inspiration is vertical, not horizontal.” ;) When others try to impart their “wisdom” to us, we can take comfort in knowing that they are not privy to the promptings and guidance that we receive as we seek the Lord’s will in our family planning. When we take the standard steps (praying, fasting, studying, attending the temple) to determine whether our choice is the right one, we can be assured that our Father in Heaven will give us the guidance we seek. When we act according to His will, we can expect blessings in spite of what anyone else may say.

Adoption is an act of faith and an act of love, and it deserves to be viewed in a positive light. When others try to rain on our parade, we can rest in the knowledge that what we’re doing is what God wants. I think He must rejoice when people “jump on the adoption bandwagon.” Certainly He does not want children languishing in orphanages or being raised in abusive homes. He loves all children. He loves the children who’ve been sexually abused. He loves older children. He loves the children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. He loves the children with special needs. He loves the children who aren’t perfect, through no fault of their own. I believe that He finds and prepares families who are up to the challenges that some adoptions may present, and I also believe that those families will reap great rewards, whether in this life or the next.

Take a look at the Topical Guide in your scriptures. If you look up “fatherless” (orphan), you see that it falls under these headings, among others:

Good Works
Father
Defend
Charity
Cause (Bandwagon?) ;)
Benevolence
Mercy, Merciful

And here are a few scriptures that remind us of our obligations to those in need, which includes “the fatherless.”

Doctrine and Covenants 83:6:
"And the storehouse shall be kept by the consecrations of the church; and widows and orphans shall be provided for, as also the poor."

Doctrine and Covenants 123:9:
"Therefore it is an imperative duty that we owe, not only to our own wives and children, but to the widows and fatherless…"

James 1:27:
"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

Doctrine and Covenants 136:8:
"Let each company bear an equal proportion, according to the dividend of their property, in taking the poor, the widows, the fatherless, and the families of those who have gone into the army, that the cries of the widow and the fatherless come not up into the ears of the Lord against this people."

Zechariah 7:10:
"And oppress not the widow, nor the fatherless, the stranger, nor the poor; and let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart."

Psalms 82:3:
"Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy."

Your friends and acquaintances and even family may not always back you up, but the scriptures and your inspiration do. Take heart and take comfort in knowing that you are following God’s will for your family.

Part three: How to Talk with Unsupportive People

Additional Reading:

How to Stand Up to Unsupportive People
Standing Up to Unsupportive People
Failure to Stand Up to Unsupportive People
Lack of Support After the Adoption