3. Decorate the nursery or bedroom (or bedrooms if you’re like me and add a few at a time)! Again, some people think this is bad luck, but if you’re one of them – get over it! It’s fun! Yes, I had to come home from a failed adoption to an empty bed and closet full of new clothes and toys, and yes, it was hard, but we lived through it and went on to adopt another child, who – coincidentally – also needed a cute new bed and clothes. If you’re determined to adopt, you will adopt eventually even if you hit a few roadblocks along the way, and it’s OK to have a completed nursery in the meantime. Really, it is. But if you’re of the camp that it’s too painful to look at a nursery without a baby each day, then by all means, wait. Do what is best for you. Just know that my message to you is not to be afraid to embrace your expectant parent status! If you want a nursery, go for it!

4. Read like you’ve never read before. If you’re adopting a newborn, start “What to Expect when You’re Expecting.” You many not be carrying the child yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy finding out how big the baby is each month, what it looks like, what it’s able to do. If you’re already in communication with your birthmother, you’ll have some background information on things she may be experiencing at the various stages of her pregnancy. From there, move on to the rest of the “What to Expect” series and educate yourself about babies and toddlers in general. Especially if this will be your first child, this can be a helpful period of self-education on the ins and outs of baby care.

Once you’ve covered the baby basics, you can move on to adoption-specific resources. Even if you’re adopting a newborn, it’s important to read books on attachment and facilitating bonding with your new child. If you’re adopting transracially and/or internationally, there are whole other worlds of information you’ll want to dive into as well. Adopting older children with histories of abuse or neglect requires another type of education, and if you’re adopting a child with known special needs, you can use this time to learn all you can about their particular need and how you’ll need to manage it once the child is home. I’ll be doing a post in the future about recommended adoption books, but to start with, here are a few good ones that I think should be required reading, depending on the type of adoption:

“Parenting the Hurt Child,” by Gregory Keck and Regina M. Kupecky
“Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft,” by Mary Hopkins-Best
“Attaching in Adoption,” by Deborah Gray
“Twenty Things Adopted Children Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew,” by Sherrie Eldridge

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