No matter what form of adoption you may be pursuing, chances are there’s a lot of waiting involved. Sometimes we try to console ourselves with the knowledge that human gestation is a nine-month process (so we should be able to stand to wait THAT long, right?), but with China adoptions creeping up toward a 20-month wait and some domestic adoptions taking literally YEARS, the waiting can be pretty difficult to get through. Especially when adoption timeframes are open-ended, as they can be with unstable countries, domestic newborn adoption, or trying to adopt a child from foster care, the waiting can be unbearable because there’s no way to know how much longer things can go!

The wait is definitely hard to endure, but there are many things we can do to mark the passage of time with a little less misery and a lot more fun. Here are my favorite suggestions for not just surviving the wait, but conquering it! Hoo-ah!

1. Start a journal if you don’t already keep one. I was motivated to do this because I wanted to be able to look back and see what I’d been doing on the day my children were born and also have a record of the process and my feelings. It was a great place for me to record my thoughts and hopes, and also a great outlet for venting fear, anger, worry and sadness. At times when I sensed others may not want to hear Adoption Misery Story #106, I knew my journal would be there for me and would listen quietly, without judgment or unwanted advice, like a good friend. One day, I’ll pass copies of my journal on to my children, and I hope that during periods of turmoil over all the “what ifs” and unknowns of their adoptions, it will be of comfort to them to see how much they were loved and wanted, even before they became parts of our family.

2. Shop. OK, some people think this is taboo, and that if you buy something, you’re going to jinx your adoption. Throw a little salt over your shoulder and get out and shop! If something goes wrong with your adoption, it will be for much greater reasons than the fact that you couldn’t resist those cute pink jammies on the sale rack. Allow yourself a little retail therapy and a little frivolity from time to time. You’re an expectant parent! “Pregnant parents” prepare in many ways, including purchases, for the arrival of their child, and adoptive parents should too! If you’ve requested a certain age and gender, or are expecting a newborn, clothes can be among the most fun purchases. Just be careful to save receipts, and try to shop from retailers with lenient return policies (department stores, Gymboree and Gap are good choices, but avoid Old Navy’s 30 day limit). I’ve had to “trade up” on sizes for clothing that my not-yet-home children were outgrowing while I waited, but it was easy to do since I had receipts.

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