As I wrote in part one, fear was the biggest obstacle to our feeling open to adopting a child with special needs, but we quickly learned that knowledge was power. The more knowledge we acquired, the less scary it seemed. Here are the steps we took to educate ourselves and to get up and over the fear hurdle. In our case, they’re specific to vision impairment and albinism, but the same basic steps can apply to any sort of special need.

1. Use the Internet to research

When we first learned about an available six-month-old baby girl with albinism in Haiti, I started to research her condition with great gusto. I turned, logically, to the Internet, and did everything from join online support groups, to googling albinism and every associated feature of the disorder, to getting in touch with the National Organization of Albinism and Hypopigmentation (NOAH). I began to get a feel for all that is albinism and also started to envision myself as a parent of a visually impaired child. What had started as mere fancy had slipped over into the realm of possibility before I’d even realized it.

2. Get in touch with your county/city early intervention program

I was feeling more enthusiastic about things, but still, when I thought about the practical, day-to-day stuff, I was definitely on the short end of the knowledge stick. Even though I work in the early intervention field, I was unsure about what resources would be available to her and to us as a family, as far as her vision was concerned. I knew from my professional experience that she would be eligible for Part C services, and these would provide a family support specialist, physical therapy and occupational therapy (and technically, speech therapy, which was unnecessary because I’m a speech pathologist), but the vision stuff was a big blank. I knew of the existence of a visual impairment specialist in our state, but only because I’d seen his name in the records of some of the kids I’ve evaluated and treated; I wasn’t sure of exactly what his role was or whether he’d be able to help us. I started by simply googling his name and discovered that he was listed as a “deaf/blind specialist” for our state’s office of public instruction. I called him and explained that we were considering adopting a child with albinism and accompanying low vision and nystagmus, and he was very reassuring and helpful. He explained to me that he would be able to assess Cora and help us access available support services, and he talked to me about his own experience working with children with albinism. He also suggested I call our state’s school for the deaf and blind to discuss getting an “outreach” specialist, since we live about 6 hours from the school.

Contacting the school for the deaf and blind was the next major stop on my quest for information. I called and spoke with the supervisor of the outreach staff and learned that Cora would, indeed, be eligible for services under Part C. He also told me about two other adoptive families in the state (one of whom I’d already found on my own) with children with albinism, and said that with my permission, he’d have them contact me. At the time, I still belonged to the aforementioned support, but I was thrilled at the prospect of being able to talk to someone who actually lives in our state and knows about what resources and programs are available here and one who could give me objective feedback on those resources. And that leads me to my next stop:

3. Talk to other parents of children with the same need

I did a LOT of this. I started with one of the women the supervisor had told me about and picked her brain in a lengthy telephone conversation. She explained to me how the outreach program worked, what our involvement with the school for the deaf and blind might be, and was even the first to suggest to me that even though Cora was not totally blind, she may benefit from cane training and learning Braille. This is the kind of thing that could have scared me off had it come from a professional, but hearing it from a mom who assured me of the benefits and that it was really “no big deal” was quite reassuring to me.

In addition to this particular mom, I also spoke with a parent of a teenager with albinism and an adult with albinism. Both offered helpful perspectives and glimpses into the future that were incredibly valuable in our decision-making process. Out of all the research we did, talking to (not just emailing) real people was by far the most helpful and gave us the nudge we needed to take the plunge. Without their input, I was left to “what if” myself to death, and to get caught up in details that I imagined to be much more significant than they really would be.

4. Read everything you can get your hands on

And, I might add, read even some material that presents a more negative outlook on the need you’re considering. I bought what books I could find on the subject of albinism, including one written by an African American man with albinism, who painted a pretty grim picture of his early years. As hard as it was to read (and I couldn’t read it all at once), it helped give me some perspective, warned me of potential pitfalls we might encounter, and reminded me that education would be essential for family and others around us.

5. If possible, meet other children with the same need

I only got to meet one other child with albinism before our daughter came home, but even that one (beautiful!) child helped me “get” that there really were other families out there in the same situation, and they were doing just fine. Nobody was crying or “wo is me-ing” – they were just living their lives and doing the same sorts of things we already did.

6. Pray!

I probably should have listed this step first, but honestly, I can see God’s hand in all the other steps of the process. As I said in part one, it is clear to us that He opened the door a bit and allowed us to take our first peek at the future that could be ours if we’d just have faith and claim it. We relied heavily on prayer as we made our decision, and when faced with a new round of doubts and fears when we first met our daughter, we LIVED on prayer. I believe Heavenly Father is pleased when we stretch ourselves, but I also know that He doesn’t ask us to do more than we can. As it says in Mosiah, “For it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.”

All of these steps helped us smother fear and worry with knowledge, courage, and enthusiasm. And now we understand what those parents mean when they say how blessed they are to parent a child with special needs. Enjoy this lovely poem by Erma Bombeck, and then join me for part three: Help comes out of the woodwork.

Mothers of Handicapped Children
by Erma Bombeck

A mother; This parent heaven sent by choice; a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Some how I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint Matthew. Forest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron saint Cecilia. Ruttledge, Carrie, twins, Patron saint... give her Gerard- he's used to profanity." Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel." "But has she patience?" Asked the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity, and despair. Once the anger and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world, and that's not going to be easy.: "But Lord, I don't think she believes in you" God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps."selfishness? Is that a virtue? God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she will be envied. She will never consider a step ordinary, when her child says "mommy" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it; when she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly what I see..... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone, I will be at her side every minute of everyday of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair God smiles, " a mirror will suffice."

Part three