Once we got to the hotel and spent some time with her, we began to see that she was a happy, delightful baby girl. But we also discovered that at 13 months, she was VERY delayed, not able to bear weight on her legs, hold her own bottle, eat solid foods, transfer objects from one hand to another, or engage in any sort of appropriate play. I began to panic. The low vision and nystagmus I’d been prepared for, but not this. I started to balk. I began to question whether the decision to adopt her had really been inspired. Doubts crept into my mind about whether I could parent a child with so many needs, what her future would be like, heck, what OUR futures would be like! I began to think about how we’d go home and tell our children that Cora wasn’t to be a part of our family after all, how they’d take it, how our families would take it, and what others would think of us for backing out. But I also worried that if we didn’t adopt her, she might never be adopted. The conflicting feelings were agonizing for me and I spent the first three days in tears and feeling as though I would just die. I wanted to talk to our adoption coordinator about it all and to explain that this was something we just couldn’t do, but our coordinator was really busy with all of her responsibilities and simply wasn’t around the hotel.

My husband, throughout it all, was calm and collected and did his best to calm me. He reminded me that we had already committed and that there was no going back, but my mind kept “what-iffing” until I could hardly stand another thought to enter my mind. In desperation, I finally asked him to give me a blessing. It is because of that blessing that Cora is now my daughter, and I have never been so grateful to have the priesthood in my life. Through the blessing, I was assured that Cora was our child and that we had no reason to doubt this or be afraid. I was not told that she would be “fine” (whatever that may be), but rather was blessed not to burden myself with thinking about the future. Whenever my mind would start to “what if” or venture into thoughts about what Cora might be like down the road, it was as if someone stomped out those thought and I literally couldn’t think them. Over and over the message came to my mind that none of our worries mattered and that Cora was our daughter and that she would be perfect as we all will be after the Resurrection.

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