As a friend of mine said (and I’m paraphrasing a bit), “When I look at pictures of waiting children, I can see myself parenting any of them. But when I’ve found ‘our’ children, they have stood out to me somehow.” So does that mean a particular child was destined to be hers from the beginning, or does it mean that given the circumstances as they were (family wanting to adopt older child from Russia, these particular waiting children being available when family is ready), the Lord helped them to make a “good” or “right” choice? I believe it’s the latter in most circumstances, but again, I leave room for exceptions and know parents who will go to their graves knowing that the child or children they were always meant to have came to them through adoption. My own cousin and her husband, for example, were told essentially this as their first son was sealed to them in the temple. And just tonight, I had dinner with two adoptive/adopting friends, one of whom insists that she knows her children were intended to be hers from the beginning.

I love this friend dearly and have no reason to doubt the feelings she has. In her case, she believes that she and her children’s birthmother had a premortal agreement to provide for the children they share and to help each other. And the story is an incredibly convincing one; prior to placing her children for adoption, the birthmother was struggling in many ways and not an active member of the Church. Since the children’s placement, however, she has married, gone to the temple and is “re-lit” with the fire of the gospel. She and my friend have a special relationship, and I marvel to think of their friendship before this life and the ways they promised to help each other.

When my husband and I were married, our sealer, Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi, told us that all of our children were present and watching us that day. As we’ve added children to our family, it’s been fun to think, “Oh, so you were there, too!” In our case, it’s not because I think we’ve successfully completely some great quest for each child we were pre-destined to have, but rather because the Lord knew who we’d eventually adopt, with His help.

No matter how it all happens, there’s no denying the magic!