In part one, I wrote about my struggles with our second adopted child and how I suffered from Post Adoption Depression. In this post, I’ll be discussing some of the things that helped me recover!

1. TIME! It was true for me that time was an excellent healer. As the days, weeks and months went by, I found myself feeling better and better. I also found that I could look back and more objectively see the progress Sofie had made with her behavior and abilities, as well as with our bonding.
2. Prayer. I prayed a LOT! I asked Heavenly Father to help me to overcome my sad feelings, and to help me develop real “mommy love” for my new daughter. I began to notice that almost daily, something would happen that would further endear her to me – she’d offer a hug, or look particularly sweet while sleeping, or learn a new sign we’d been working on, and it would stir those feeling of deep love within me. I found the more I loved her, the better I felt.
3. Priesthood blessings. My husband would give me a blessing every so often when I felt like I was really having a hard time.
4. Talking with other adoptive moms. Lo and behold, I discovered not every mom (or dad) was immediately in love with their new kid! I realized that a lot of them felt as I did, and I finally began to feel more comfortable and less guilty about verbalizing some of my feelings. Just being able to talk to people who understood was extremely therapeutic. It was especially helpful to be able to talk to others who’d been through such trials but emerged triumphant. It gave me hope.
5. Keeping a journal. It was helpful for me to record how I was feeling when I was in the middle of it all, but it was also beneficial to be able to go back and read old entries and see the progress we’d made since then.

What I did NOT do, and probably should have, was seek counseling. To be honest, I felt so guilty about my feelings that I just couldn’t imagine sharing them. I assumed I’d be judged by someone who didn’t “get” what it was like to adopt a post-institutionalized child. I figured that my problems were brought on by myself because I just wasn’t doing something right and I didn’t deserve any relief from them.

For some parents, counseling may be essential, and medication may be an option. (Tom Cruise can disagree all he wants.) ;) The important thing is to realize that you’re not alone, and that feeling sad or low or angry doesn’t mean your adoption was a mistake or is doomed. It simply means that your mind and body are dealing with lots of changes, the post-adoption let-down, and the need to bond with your new child, all while having to go on with every day life (which is challenging enough!)

I can’t say exactly when I felt like I finally snapped out of my sadness; it was more of a gradual thing. But when I look at my sweet girl now, it’s hard for me to even believe I ever had such feelings of despair and worry. She’s an incredible little girl and I love her fiercely, and I’m so grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me to experience the joy she’s brought into my life!

Further Reading:

Post Adoption Depression: A Parenting Transition
Post Adoption Depression
Psychologist: Post Adoption Depression