When we adopted our daugher, Lulu, she was nearly eight years old but had had very little formal education in her birth country of Haiti. We knew from prior visits with her that she couldn’t write (and didn’t draw well), and that she couldn’t do basic math or even recognize letters and numbers. We also knew that on top of her limited academic experience, the language barrier would be an issue. During our adoption wait, we began to give some thought to homeschooling her as a way to help her catch up. I worried a little about how she’d feel being the only “big kid” not going to school, but over time, we started giving heavy consideration to homeschooling all our kids.

About this time last year, after lots and lots of research and prayer, we decided we would homeschool our children. It was a drastic decision for of us, but one that we were excited about and felt would best for everyone in our family for lots of reasons besides our impending adoption. We agreed that we’d give it a year and see how things went, and then decide whether or not we would continue. Thankfully, it has been a big success and our kids tell us frequently how happy they are to be home. Not one of them wants to go back, and they’re all very excited about what the next school year will hold. It’s been an especially successful for Lulu, who I’m certain would have struggled had we plunked her in a classroom of 25 other children who didn’t speak the same language and were light years ahead of her academically.

I’m not a militant homeschooler and believe strongly that parents should do whatever they feel is best for their children. However I think that homeschooling is often overlooked as a realistic option by adoptive parents, simply because it’s something they have never considered, or because they can’t imagine what benefits could exist in their situation. Here are a few reasons I think every family should at least consider homeschooling their older, adopted children, especially internationally adopted kids. :)

IT PROMOTES BONDING/ATTACHMENT

One of our biggest worries about public school for our daughter was that we’d be sending her off to spend a huge chunk of her day with another mother or father figure. We worried that being away from us and in the care of another adult for so much of the day could interfere with our family’s bonding process, and that she’d end up feeling more connected to the teacher.

It’s hard to say how Lulu’s level of attachment to us might have been different had she gone to public school, but her attachment process has been very smooth and fairly easy. It seems logical to assume that having been with us and learning that we are the caregivers and authorities in ALL areas must be grounding to her; she hasn’t had to wonder where her loyalties or affections should lie.

YOU GET A CHANCE TO REALLY GET TO KNOW YOUR CHILD

Along with the bonding concern was that having our daughter gone so much of the day would delay our ability to really learn who she is and what makes her tick. I also worried a bit that getting her out the door to school each day might become my safety net and allow me to avoid dealing with any tough issues that might crop up instead of meeting them head on and finding solutions.

Having her home with us allowed us to figure out what kind of learner she is, what kind of temperament she has, what motivates her, and what she struggles with. We also discovered she often needs an afternoon nap, which would not have been possible at school. It also allowed her the chance to PLAY, which is something she really missed out on in the orphanage.

YOU CAN USE APPROPRIATE CURRICULUM

We live in a school district with no real ESL/ELL program, and this was a huge issue for us. We knew that she’d learn English quickly, but we also knew that her limited English would prove to be a barrier to her getting an appropriate education, at least in the beginning. On top of that, there was no way our daughter could have survived in a regular 2nd grade classroom without having her curriculum drastically modified. Academically, kindergarten was more at her level, but it wouldn’t have been right to plop her in a classroom full of five-year-olds, either.

At home, we had the luxury of handpicking curriculum materials based on what would be best for Lulu, rather than the majority of a class of 25. I chose math, handwriting and phonics programs that were at preschool/kindergarten level, and I selected materials that were highly visual (but not heavily text-based) and focused on basic concepts she missed in Haiti.

YOU CAN GO AT YOUR CHILD’S PACE

Along with providing appropriate materials, homeschooling allowed us to go at our daughter’s pace without fear of failure. If she needed to work on a particular math concept for three days, that’s what we did. If she really caught on to something fast, we were able to move quickly and do enrichment activities in that area. This helped us (and her) realize that she has particular talents and abilities that she can be proud of. In most areas, she would have been left in the dust of other second graders, but she could have knocked their socks off in a couple of others. ;)

IT TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF OF EVERYONE

If Lulu had gone to public school, I would have been working my tail off with her every evening, trying like mad to get her caught up to her peers. I’m certain this would have had a negative impact on the bonding experience, and I’m sure it would have been frustrating to her. With homeschooling, I’m able to focus all of that energy on the help she needs, without being subject to anyone’s schedule, pace or agenda. She has no idea she isn’t doing the same work as other 8-year-olds, and thus doesn’t have the (potential) self-esteem issues that could have arisen being in a class with much younger kids or one with kids who are much further ahead. She thinks she’s doing great work, and she is!

IT AVOIDS POTENTIALLY INACCURATE LABELS BEING APPLIED

Lulu does not have ADHD or any learning differences that I have identified, but I think the chances of her being targeted as having some sort of disorder would have been significant if she were in a public school setting. She’s not a kid that likes to be bored or challenged TOO heavily, and I can envision her acting out if she wasn’t able to do the optimal schoolwork.

THERE ARE FEWER CHANGES TO GET USED TO

I can’t imagine that on top of having to deal with new sights, new smells, new foods, a new language, new routines, new clothes, a new room, a new house, a new church and a new family, Lulu would have had to get used to all the changes a new school would represent. There would have been some positive things, but being able to keep the changes to a minimum in the beginning is definitely an advantage.

YOU CAN INSTILL YOUR OWN VALUES/MORALS

Even though Lulu had some exposure to the Church in Haiti, having her home with us has given us more time to focus on her spiritual development and knowledge of the Gospel. Since we don’t have to worry about separation of church and state in our basement, it’s very easy to work in stories topics that would otherwise be skipped in public school. It also gives us the chance to solidify what acceptable behavior and speech “look like,” rather than having her pick up undesirable things from school kids that she’s not yet able to sort out for herself.

In all honesty, the only drawback (which can be a blessing, too) with homeschooling Lulu has been that it’s limited her access to peers and she doesn’t have as many friends as she might otherwise have. But here is yet another reason to go to church! Lulu has wonderful friends in her Primary class, and she’s been able to ease into some socialization during Activity Days. This was she gets to hang around with a smaller group of girls her age, and do it in a structured framework with adult supervision. She has one friend she especially likes, and the two of them get along very well together.

This is not an exhaustive list of homeschooling “pros,” but they’re the ones we’ve found to be most significant in our situation. And as I said at the beginning, I think homeschooling merits more than cursory consideration by adoptive parents. I acknowledge that it won’t be right in every situation, and it won’t be possible for everyone, but it can be a great solution for many kids.

For my very favorite reason for homeschooling, please see part two!

RESOURCES

Yahoo group for homeschooling adopted children
Homeschooling the internationally adopted child