If you read the other parts of this series, you know that I consider homeschooling to be a great option for older, internationally adopted children, but I thought you might like to hear the perspective of some other moms. It’s significant to note that while many of these families were already homeschoolers at the time they adopted, for some, as was the case in our family, the adoption was the catalyst for choosing homeschooling.

Sharee, a homeschooling mom of four, including Sarah, who was adopted from China at nearly six years of age, had this to say:

“During the months that we were waiting for Sarah to come home, I began to read about older child adoption, and specifically attachment in adoption. It was this research that convinced me to homeschool. Our daughter had spent almost six years of her life living without a family, and I knew it would be difficult for her to learn to live with a family. It only seemed reasonable that the more time she had with our family, the better her transition would be. Every single book I read on attachment confirmed this.

“Another thing I didn't like about the thought of Sarah going to "building school" was the regimentalization. Orphanages are regimented places by necessity. Individual needs and desires must be sacrificed to ensure that everyone's basic needs are met. Institutionalized schools operate in a similar fashion. My daughter's individuality had been suppressed by her orphanage for all those years; I wanted to bring her home to an environment in which she could grow and flourish being her true individual self-- not merely a face in a crowd. “

Many of the moms who contributed thoughts to this entry echoed my concern that sending a new child off to school might interfere with the attachment process. Brita said simply, “…we did not want [our daughter] attaching to her school/teachers rather than us.” And Sarah, a homeschooling mom of three boys, observed that in addition to promoting healthy bonding, homeschooling “has really helped make up for the years we never had with [our sons]. I feel so bonded and close to them. We have had comments on how well adjusted they are and I love that that isn't some kind of act they put on. They really are well adjusted!”

Many moms related that homeschooling has allowed their child to be an individual and to explore interests and hobbies that might not be possible in a public school setting. Says Melanie, a mom of two including a Chinese adoptee, “[My daughter] is passionate about ballet, but if she were in a traditional school, we wouldn't be able to find the time for everything. [My son] is passionate about baseball, but with his learning issues, we would be remediating every night if he were in school, and he would have no time for baseball. As it is, they are able to pursue these dreams and feel supported by us.”

Further, some moms noted that it would be much more difficult to find time for cultural awareness and language development. Melanie stated, “If she were in school, it would be difficult to add in two hours of tutoring and 5 hours of homework (plus travel time) on learning the language of her country of origin. Language acquisition can be a critical piece in the identity puzzle of an international adoptee. Here again, homeschooling allows more freedom in the schedule.”

Brenda, an adoptive mom to two Korean-born children expressed similar feelings: “…we are also glad that we have fostered their common identity with Korea (we just got home from 3 hours of Korean language school, held on Saturdays). When someone at church thought they were Chinese, or when the boy at gymnastics class thought my [sons] must be brothers with another boy in the class (who actually was from Burma), my children are confident in who they are as Korean-American.“

And Sharee, Sarah’s mom added, “…we live in an area with a very homogeneous demographic. Sarah would not be able to associate with other Asians in school, and she would not have the opportunity to learn and appreciate her cultural heritage. By homeschooling, we are able to give her cultural knowledge that she would otherwise be lacking.”

Along with time for interests and cultural awareness, many of the adoptive parents mentioned their children’s special needs and learning differences, and observed that homeschool allowed them greater flexibility with these needs. From a more pliable schedule for fitting in therapy sessions, to specially-chosen curricula and resources suited to a child’s learning style, to the freedom to take time off for medical issues without getting “behind” in school, many positives with homeschooling were identified. Ottakee, an adoptive mom of three related, “My kids all have various special needs. It is not uncommon to have 3-6 specialists’ appointments per week, almost weekly visits for blood draws, etc. I could never get all of these appointments in if they were in school and still have time for them to learn and have FUN.”

Sharee said that when her adopted daughter, Masha, needed specialized surgery on the other side of the country, their family was able to stay together because of homeschool. “Having her sisters around her helped Masha's recovery, and having us all together was the best thing for the whole family.”

Several of the contributing moms found that it was essential to work on the new child’s (or children’s) identities as part of a family before even considering formal education. Renée, a mom of nine including three Ethiopian children, said this about her oldest adopted child:

“He was very behind in every way for his age. He came from a large and chaotic orphanage, and was one of those kids who just shut down to escape. He had never experienced so many things. We had to re-parent him and start at the very beginning. He literally had no idea how to play. I went out and bought baby toys and we started there. I fed him every bite. He slept in our bed. We did not even worry about potty training. I can't imagine that he would have functioned at all in a Pre-K program.

“For this little one, he had to begin to emotionally bond and attach before he could even begin to learn. It's the hierarchy of need. His emotional needs needed to be met and only then could the academic information be processed.”

Renée added, “Today he is doing wonderfully. He is just a sweet, normal, happy, little guy.”

Kim, a homeschooling mom of two (one adopted) related this story:

“I was talking to a lady at our church who (with her husband) have adopted 11 children of every race, nationality & color. She had an incredible point that I had started to put together in my head, but she put it into words. By homeschooling, our kids have TIME together that is so important to feeling like a family. How would our children ever know one another by being apart from each other (and us) all day long? Homeschooling gives us the chance to get to know each other better, and become more and more of a family.”

Serija, who adopted a 13-year-old boy, found that her son was very academically delayed because of having been in a home that was unable to meet his needs. His prior foster care placement had focused on emotional healing over academics (which Serija noted was appropriate), but her son was left trailing his peers at school. Homeschooling allowed continued emotional healing as a first priority. “Secondly,” Serija said, “it was a chance to spend more time together when the ‘real time’ of growing up that was left is short. More ‘bonding’ time, more time to feel secure via the stability and safety of home life.”

Serija also found that “…the friends made in the homeschool community are much more accepting of ‘different’ situations and ‘different’ kids, and to be in foster care and adopted is certainly a ‘different’ experience. [Our son] has made real friends who know where he's coming from and accept him the way he is.”

Lindy, who adopted three children from foster care, reiterated the notion that a focus on learning identity and family roles, as well as emotional healing and bonding, need to come before rigorous academics.

“Because we adopted our older kids from the state they had to be in public school for the first 6 months. They were 10, 9, and almost 6 when we took placement. They had been in 2 different foster homes and bounced around in their birth family.

“Homeschooling them was essential for us. They needed to know what a family was. Emotionally they were delayed. Academically they were delayed. Socially they were delayed. They were chameleons who became whoever they were with. Homeschooling allowed us to meet them where they were in all of the aforementioned areas. It allowed them the time they needed to heal from past abuse, to get used to living in a family, to go back to the very beginning academically & emotionally with the least possible stress. It allowed us to get to know one another in a way we couldn't while they were in school from 7:30 in the morning to 4:00 in the afternoon with hours of homework in the evening. It allowed them the opportunity to build confidence in themselves and in the case of our oldest adopted daughter, to learn who she was. At home there was no one for her to be but herself.

“There is no school that could have met their academic needs. My kids are FAS/FAE and that affects every aspect in their lives. By being home they have been able to find their talents and learn coping skills for their areas of weakness. At home I have been able to spend months on learning math facts, years on learning to read. At home they can take a day off if they are overstimulated.

“The main benefit of homeschooling is simply the day-to-day togetherness that it brings. Children with attachment difficulties need that more than academics, more than social training, more than friends their own age. They need first to understand what family is, what love is, who they are. Once those needs are met, then they can go on and learn everything else.”

While most moms who provided insights for this article identified exclusively positive aspects to homeschooling, Abbey cautioned that any family considering homeschooling their adopted children should understand that it is crucial to consider the unique needs of each child, rather than taking a blanket “homeschooling is best” approach.

“Many adopted kids do great with homeschool, but it is good for dedicated homeschoolers to recognize that some of adopted children do not and if that is their child they should consider how they would respond to that, just as they would have a plan for handling a child with RAD, PTSD or other issues. …What we plan, what is our ideal, may have to be flexed for awhile for a longer term good.” Abbey also noted that she recently witnessed significant, and unfortunate, long-term consequences for children in a family wherein home education was considered the only option.

Abbey further added – and this is very important – that adoptive parents should be certain their internationally adopted children understand that they are not being homeschooled because their new family is “poor.” “For internationally adopted kids, the lack of going to school could be perceived as an indicator of poverty (mom and dad have no money for books, uniforms, fees, etc. so we can't go to school). For a child who has spent years seeing others come to the orphanage because their parents couldn't support them, there is a very real concern that if their new parents are too poor, they might lose their new family at any moment. They need to know that this is not a worry; and they may not be able to tell if you are rich or poor or in between - being in an American family is like being on Mars. They have no clue what is ‘normal’.”

Whether you decide to give homeschooling some serious thought or not, I think the collective education lesson these moms are offering is useful for any adopted child: bonding and identity first, learning to PLAY and low-key remediation second, and formal academics last. With the right plan in place, these goals can be accomplished in a variety of ways, depending on the needs of the child and family.

As I said at the beginning of the series, it is my hope that the information and perspectives I’ve shared will simply help adoptive parents give homeschooling some thought where they might otherwise have overlooked it entirely. It is a viable and growing option in the United States, and has experienced particular growth amongst adoptive families in recent years. So, forget what you think you know about homeschooling and give it some thought! Here are some great places to get more information:

This study of over 20,000 is a great place to start, and gives some pretty compelling evidence for home education.

The Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) lists a variety of academic statistics on homeschooling here.

You can also check your state’s homeschool laws on the HSLDA site. Click on “Homeschooling” in the blue bar at the upper part of the screen, and then select “Homeschool Laws.”

You may also enjoy visiting some of the homeschooling Adoptionblogs.com bloggers:

Ethiopia Adoption
Africa Adoption
Haiti Adoption
Special Needs Adoption
Sibling Adoption
Christian Adoption
Adoptive Parenting