Yesterday, just prior to writing my last post, my mother and I were discussing school activities that children are sometimes assigned to do, and how they can be problematic for adopted children. Two examples came to mind: the “family tree” project and the “who’s who?” baby photo activity. I had told my mom that because we are a homeschooling family, our adopted children would fortunately be spared these particular challenges. Well, the joke was on me when Lulu came home from Achievement Days last night with a blank family group sheet and the dreaded family tree in hand. Oh, the irony! ;)

Lulu was eager to fill-in-the-blanks (literally and figuratively) this morning, and I knew I couldn’t deny her. Earlier, I may have been tempted to file the pages in the trash, but fortunately, I had done some reading on how to modify such assignments and therefore had some ideas on how to approach the task. Using a diagram I’d seen online (pictured above), we carefully penciled in the names of my husband and I, our parents, and their parents in the appropriate blanks in the branches of the tree. But instead of stopping there, we added her birthparents’ names in the roots of the tree. I talked a bit with all the kids about how the roots of a tree are as large as its branches, and how the roots show where we came from. Lulu giggled to see ALL her family on the same tree, but all of those people are hers and she has every right to claim them.

Obviously for the purposes of temple sealing and official church documents, the adoptive family is the only one reflected on the family records. I think it’s important, however, that we be careful not to let the focus on our “forever family” sway us from acknowledging the significance of the birthfamily in this life. We can’t just negate our children’s histories by not discussing them or not representing them in any physical ways. This isn’t fair to anyone. Even if, as is the case for three of our children, we may know nothing about their first parents, it’s important for adopted children to realize that they didn’t just spring forth from nothingness. They originated somewhere, and with someone, and adding names or even “birthmother” and “birthfather” to the roots of a family tree is an easy way to acknowledge and pay respect to their existence and relationship to the child. (Side note: my cousin is a fellow adoptive mom and she gave me a great piece of advice to give names to our children’s unknown birthparents. It makes them feel closer, makes it easier to pray for them and put their names on the prayer roll, and in this case, label the roots of a tree.)

Filling out the family group sheet turned out to be another positive experience. As we went through each section, I observed that Lu seemed comforted to see that each child’s section required the same information, and that she herself possessed all the information needed to completely fill her section (minus marriage and death, of course!) It was also helpful for her to hear her other sibling’s long names, and unfamiliar birthplaces. I got the sense that it was really starting to sink in for her that her Chinese sisters actually are from CHINA, and hadn’t been with us all along.

The events of the last two days have been a real boon for us, and I think Lulu is starting to find her stride and feel comfortable acknowledging (and questioning) her roots and branches. She is proud of her family tree, and so am I.

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