I am reeling from the news we received today that Ethiopia will be limiting adoptions to families with 5 or fewer children in the home. The good news for our family is that the new rules will not apply to us since we are already in the process. The bad news, however, is that a once large family-friendly country will join the ranks of many others who exclude families because of the number of children in their families.

From what I learned from our agency, exceptions will be made for families wanting to adopt HIV+ children, those with severe special needs and for sibling groups of more than three children. (There’s more than a little irony there. “I’m sorry, your family is too big for one more child, but we’ll give you four instead.” Yes, I realize large sibling groups are harder to place, but still, the logic eludes me.)

This saddens me on so many levels. I grieve most for the children whose options will now be even more limited – especially for older children, as it appears that at least right now, exceptions will not be made for families hoping to adopt an older child. And I grieve for the families who’ve dreamed of adding an Ethiopian child or children to their families, as ours has for a few years now.

I realize that it is a country’s prerogative to make whatever rules and guidelines they deem appropriate for their adoptable children, and I certainly don’t mean to be disrespectful of these decisions, but it’s frustrating to see so many countries make sweeping policy changes that close doors to children and families rather than opening them. It’s also a bit difficult for me not to take such policies personally. The assumption is that larger families aren’t as “good” as smaller ones, and I really take exception to that. I would argue that larger families are sometimes better placements for institutionalized children, in part, precisely because they’ve come from a setting where there are many children.

Consider this statement from an open letter from The Foundation for Large Families:

Today, while agencies are screaming, “We need more foster/adoptive families," they are over-looking their most valuable resource: the already large family.

Families who have more experience because of their prior adoptions are less likely to disrupt an adoption. They know where to turn for help when needed. They also know what is just a phase in a child’s life opposed to when a child needs therapeutic help.

What may seem overwhelming to a small family is not for a large family. We are professional parents who have been accredited by the children we are raising. Many of us have joyfully adopted a child who has repeatedly been turned down for adoption by other families. We take great pride in our children and our families. We know how to love a child who appears not to want to be loved. We can love a child even knowing we may never be loved back.

I pray that the Ethiopian adoption officials will reconsider implementing a restrictive family size policy, and I know that there is already a plan in the works to try to show these officials how successful and happy large families with Ethiopian children can be. We intend to be one of those successful, happy, large families! :)

Part two

For more information about large families and Ethiopian adoption, please see these resources:

Ethiopia Adoption
Ethiopia Adoption Blog
Love at Home