Lulu was quiet for a minute and then said, or stated, more accurately, that her birthmother would be coming back with us. She went on to ask which bedroom she would sleep in once she got here, and when she silently considered the fact that there were no more available rooms, she offered up our master bedroom! At first, I thought we were being displaced, but then she clarified that her birthmother would share our bed with us since it’s so big. (It’s only a queen, by the way.) Ah, the logic of a child. ;)

I’ll admit I was thrown a little off-guard and I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. How do you explain immigration law, the complexities of Lulu and her brother’s placement, the existence of other siblings still in the care of her birthmother, the social, economic and political circumstances in Haiti, and myriad other issues, to a kid whose English is still shaky and isn’t yet eight? In Lulu’s mind, family is made up of the people you love, and you live with your family. She loves her birthmother, thus she should be here, sharing the parent roll (and bedroom, apparently!)

I have a decent handle on Creole, but there’s no way I could have done justice to all of these difficult issues. As best I could, I explained that her birthmom can’t come here and that she must stay in Haiti. It became apparent that Lulu assumed her birthmom could be adopted right into our family, too, so I tried to explain that only children could leave Haiti and come to new families in the US. Lulu replied, “But mom, you grown-up and you here,” at which point I had to try to explain that I have always lived in the U.S. and didn’t come from somewhere else. The conversation flowed a bit like the adoption version of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie! ;) When peppered with more questions, I finally gently reminded her that her birthmother has other children to take care of – her own, and the children at the orphanage where she works as a nanny. This answer seemed to satisfy Lu – either that or she became temporarily distracted by the drinks being handed to me through the McDonald’s drive-thru. ;) But she’ll mull it all over in her mind and come to me with more questions when she’s ready. The door is always open.

Even though we’re into our fifth year of parenting adopted children, adopting Lulu as an older child has definitely jumped us ahead a few steps in the complexity of our family’s adoption discussions. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do my best to read, study and pray so I can be prepared for the inevitable chapters of this story to come.