Even though we talk about adoption issues on a daily basis in our family, we can go weeks between the really in-depth discussions that are prompted by specific questions from our children. The events of our evening, however, coincidentally elicited engaging conversations with two of our daughters.

Tonight, our daughter Lulu attended her first Achievement Days activity. Lulu won’t actually be eight until next Tuesday, but I arranged for her to go this week because the theme was “our heritage” and I hoped it would give her the chance to talk to the other girls a bit about Haiti and help them to get to know her better. For the activity, each girl was asked to bring a dish representing their heritage, and we chose beans and rice because it’s the quintessential Haitian dish. (My 11-year-old biological daughter took Scottish shortbread). While I was preparing the food for the girls to take, my almost-five-year-old Chinese daughter, Maizie, began to ask questions about the food and what the girls would be doing at “party,” as she called it. This lead to a fairly deep discussion about heritage and ancestry, and I worried a bit that it would be too difficult for her to understand. I reminded her that Lulu is Haitian, and that since the ancestors of her first family are Haitian, she was taking a food that represented those ancestors. Then I explained that since Lulu is now a part of our family, our ancestors are also now her ancestors. Maizie seemed to be following along, so I went on to explain that she had Chinese ancestors, but that since she had been adopted and sealed to our family, her dad’s and mom’s ancestors also belonged to her. I named all of our adopted children and pointed out that they all have two sets of ancestors, and followed it up with, “Isn’t that neat?”

Maizie paused for a minute and then asked “How come we’re the only ones with two sets?” It was at that moment that I found yet another reason to be tremendously grateful for the ward we live in! I was able to rattle off the names of most of the adopted children in our church and explain that they all had two sets of ancestors. That did the trick, and Maizie was once again content. I probably could have taken the conversation further, but we’ve taken the same general approach with adoption topics as we have with the birds and the bees – we answer questions we’re asked as completely as we can, and with honesty, and avoid “leading” them.

Later, on the way to the activity, Lulu asked me when we would be able to go visit her birthmother. We’ve talked about this before and fully intend to do it, but tonight she wanted a commitment that we would take the whole family and visit. She named each family member and wanted me to confirm that we would all be going. She was also quick to mention that she just wanted to visit and wouldn’t be staying permanently. ;) I think it made her feel safer to think that the whole family would be going and the whole family would be coming back. I didn’t say one way or the other, except to promise, once again, that we will go visit her birthmother sometime. (Side note: we’ve left the time frame for a visit open due to Haiti’s unpredictable political side, and we also want to make sure it seems like the right thing for Lulu to do at the right time.)

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