The second question I mentioned, “Are you able to spend one-on-one time with your kids?” is another one I wonder about. There’s no denying that spending time with your children together and separately is a good thing, but I can’t help thinking that the emphasis on “one-on-one time” and “quality time” stems from the guilt we feel about relying on childcare, and scheduling our children’s extracurricular activities as though they’re little executives. (And please note that I said “we” and am not being critical of moms who work outside the home. I’ve been a fulltime working parent and even now work outside the home on a limited basis). I think that where once cuddling and reading stories together was a great way to connect with children, we now believe that parent-kid time has to include organized, expensive activities. No, I can’t take my nine kids skiing. I can’t take them on a cruise. It’s just not possible. But I can dance with them, read to them, take them bowling, take them out for ice cream, snuggle with them, watch movies with them, cook with them, take them to the park and sing songs to them. And since we homeschool, I even teach them.

The next question is a related one, and is probably one of the most frequently asked in one form or another. With as many children as I have, I must never get a moment to myself. Again, I think our “needs” in this area have been distorted over the years. I know that I need time to myself on a regular basis, as well as time with my husband. For me, this includes being able to watch ER uninterrupted on Thursday nights, participating in our community orchestra, going shopping alone on Saturday mornings, being able to tell my husband I need a break, and occasionally going out alone with a friend. My husband and I have a regular date night and make sure we have time for intimacy. But the world tells me that “alone time” means parties, time physically away from my home and family, alcohol, spa weekends with girlfriends, and interests that pull me away from the most important things in my life. Again, I’m not saying I don’t sometimes do some of these things (well, minus the alcohol, of course). I’m just trying to illustrate how Satan slyly works to convince us that simpler, less expensive things aren’t enough. And if we have to have the more expensive, more time-consuming options, we certainly can’t have many children.

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