So, what of charity? Is it such a poor adoption motivation? After all, you can look up “orphans” and “fatherless” in the Bible and find numerous references to the way the Lord wants such children to be cared for. We’re expected to provide for them as we are widows and the poor, so is it so bad to lump adoption in as a way we can exercise charity?

Consider this definition from the Bible Dictionary:

The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deeds or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive.

And consider Moroni 7:47:

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Perhaps, at least with regard to adoption, we’re shooting ourselves in the foot with our perceived (negative) definitions of charity. I mean, what kind of image does the phrase “charity case” conjure up? Nothing positive pops into my mind. Maybe this is part of the whole problem. Maybe if people really understood charity, this would all be a moot argument. Charity, as it says above, goes beyond the desire to do goodwill (as many perceive adoptive families as having in ample supply), but is the strongest and noblest love. So if people believed that our family came about because of the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, then I guess they would be able to begin to understand how valued, precious and wanted each of our children is, and how truly blessed we are. And maybe they’d find themselves wanting to be similarly blessed.

I can’t think of a better way for us to demonstrate our love of Christ than to bring children into our home (whether by birth or adoption) and to be loving, capable parents who strive to live Christ-like lives. In that sense, there is even saving going on – the saving of an eternal family.

But even though I can take comfort in solving this mystery of semantics and have the satisfaction of knowing what I know, how can I best convey the reality of our situation to strangers in grocery store checkouts, to the parents of our children’s friends, to the mail carrier, the lifeguard at the pool and the video store clerk? Since it’s not practical to have an in-depth discussion with every Joe Schmo I encounter (nor would it be respectful of our children’s privacy), our standard strategy (knowing that we’re always being stared at) is to SHOW them how much we love and value our children. We laugh, we hug, we touch, we talk, and we do our best to show the world what truly very lucky parents we are.

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So, what are your thoughts? Is it wrong for people to want to adopt because they want to "do something good?" How can we help our children develop gratitude for the blessings they (and we all) enjoy without making them feel they are indebted to us? How can we respond to people who praise us for our charity?