Some adoptive parents argue that maybe this isn’t such a bad thing and go so far as to embrace the notion of “saving a child” and see it as a noble endeavor. A fellow adoptive parent once chided a group of other adoptive parents for distancing themselves from the notion of child saving. In essence, she said that you can call it whatever you want, but when you take an unwanted baby girl (in this case, Chinese) and make her a part of your forever family, rather than leaving her to an orphanage life and ultimately extreme poverty after she turns 18 and is discharged from her “home,” you are, in fact, saving her. And all the garbage that adoptive parents spew about how she would be giving up her culture, her language and ties to her past, don’t amount to a hill of beans when you’re in a life or death situation. (Or a quality of life situation, as I might be inclined to argue.) In her view, acknowledging that you saved a child from such a life doesn’t they’re second-rate or not a legitimate, loved and wanted part of your family. Here are some additional thoughts on this issue from Erin’s Transracial Adoption blog post “Adoption… Selfish or Saving a Child?”

Adopting a child IS in some ways a selfish act. If you are adopting because you truly want a child (or another child) then it is something you are at least in part doing for yourself. I have heard lots of people say that if you wanted to “make a big difference in the world” or do a big charitable act, you could take the huge chunk of money you would spend on an adoption and invest it into a country, family, program, etc. and make a difference that would touch many people instead of just one.

In a perfect world, both the adoptive parents and the child will sacrifice some, but will end up for the better because of the adoption. The sacrifices of the adoptive parents are often minimal (money, time, stress, sometimes the grief of loss of a referral, etc.), especially when compared to the sacrifices of the child (losing everything familiar to them, including loved ones) BUT, the blessings, rewards and joy that comes out of the adoption, should be across the board. When an adoption is done right, all should benefit…the child should have unconditional love, family, a permanent home, safety, stability and every opportunity for education, medical care and everything else a child deserves. The adoptive parents should have the immeasurable blessings of having a child given to them, and all of the love, joy, laughter, tears, happiness, struggles, challenges and blessings that a child brings.

You can read the post in its entirety here.

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