There is a couple in our community who have 3 grown children. One child just graduated from medical school, and the other two are in college. I don’t know the parent’s ages, but I would guess they are in their late fifties. They began doing foster care several years ago, and subsequently adopted a toddler boy, and later, a baby boy. At a time when most people their age are looking forward to college graduations, marriages of children, the arrival of grandchildren, and retirement, they are coaching soccer, going to parent teacher conferences and changing diapers!

It’s true that the average age of first-time parents in America is creeping up as more and more people put off marriage and childbearing until they have reached a certain level of educational and occupational success. America’s perception of what constitutes “old” has changed dramatically, especially over just the last few years. People are working and living longer, and we’re now being told “fifty is the new thirty.”

So what about couples who choose to start all over again with family raising? When I think of my own parents (both 62), I don’t think of them as elderly – not by any stretch of the imagination. They are both very physically fit, active, and, well, stylish! My mother, in particular, easily looks 15 years younger than her age. Easily. Even though adoption isn’t part of their life plan at this point, I could easily envision them with young children again. But beyond looking young and being physically fit, is it a good idea for the 50+ set to start over with childrearing?

Just last week, sixty-year-old Frieda Birnbaum gave birth to twin boys after undergoing in-vitro fertilization. She and her husband have grown children ages 29 and 33, as well as a 6-year-old son.

Their oldest daughter, 29, was opposed to their decision:

“She's youthful for her age but I don't think it's good,” Alana Birnbaum told the tabloid. “She should be going to the gym and taking time for herself — not taking on more stresses and responsibilities ... Am I happy at all about this? No. I'm not,” she said.

In response, Mrs. Birbaum said:

“I hope I'm a role model for my daughter, that when she gets older she can make her own decision based on who she is, rather than what society dictates.”

Mrs. Birnbaum said that it was their desire for their youngest son to have siblings close in age that motivated them to attempt another pregnancy, but many women who choose to bear children late in life are accused of being selfish. I’ll refrain from weighing in on that point because since so many people seem overly interested in or critical of our family’s growth, I tend to take a “live and let live” approach to such matters.

But what about adoption? Back to my original question, just because a couple CAN adopt at an older age, is it necessarily a good idea? I would argue that in general, the answer is yes. Older adults who are in good health and have reasonable expectations about being an older parent can be a tremendous resource. The sad fact is that there are always more children in need of families than their area families for them, and it makes no sense to eliminate some of the most experienced and capable among us because of an arbitrary number. And truly, those age numbers are becoming more and more arbitrary!

Here are some advantages of older parent adoption:

Emotional maturity
Financial stability
Stable values
Stable marriages/partnerships (for couples)
Time and patience
Healthier and more active than ever before
Extended life expectancy allows longer active parenting years

Still not convinced? Join me for part two - an interview with a dad of family number two!

Additional Resources:

Older Parent Adoption
Older Parent Adoption Blog
Over 40 Adoption Forum