I wonder, though, if some of these arguments are actually moot, and maybe the “competition” isn’t as stiff as some might think. I know MANY adoptive families – far more than the average Joe – and I can’t think of a single one who is able to have biological children (meaning perfectly fertile and without medical complications that might make pregnancy risky) and has adopted the proverbial HWN just because they wanted to choose adoption first (or instead.) Families like this may certainly exist, but I’ve yet to meet one. No, most of the families I’ve encountered with biological and adopted children, or only adopted children (but who could have biological children) have been made up of children who don’t fall into the HWN category. Why is this? Well, practically speaking, I suppose it would be almost pointless to try otherwise since prospective birthparents would be much more likely to choose a couple who is unable to have birthchildren. But I also wonder if it isn’t further evidence of God’s hand at work. He knows there is never a shortage of available families for one group of adoptable children, but that there tends to be for another, so He puts a bug in the ear of families who want to adopt and might be open to one of those “other” categories. As an example, we’ve never had any desire whatsoever to adopt a Caucasian child, and I can’t really put my finger on why. It’s certainly not because we feel it would be wrong or bad or less desirable (our biological kids are caucasian, after all), but rather that we’ve always felt impressed to go another direction. When people ask me why we chose to adopt, and more specifically, adopt the children we have, the most accurate response I can give mirrors Adam’s in Moses 5:6: “I know not, save the Lord commanded it.” And it goes beyond simple compulsion; it is the desire of my heart, and I know the Lord planted that desire.

So, coming full circle with all of this, I will also share that I know many families who have not been able to have biological children, who opted first for children that others might not consider. Two of my dearest friends have families that are very much like ours, and I think part of the reason I love them so much is because I know they chose for their families to be the way that they are. They were well within their “rights,” if you will, to seek a child that would join them at the beginning of its earthly life and look similar in appearance, yet they chose otherwise because of the direction the Lord offered them. It warms my heart to know that children like mine were someone’s first choice – the cream, in their parents’ eyes.

Adoption is – obviously - a highly individual thing. Just like other choices of any significance (family size, education, which parent should work outside the home, etc.) I believe families should do what they feel is best for them, after praying and seeking counsel from God. Couples choosing adoption should be free to choose the kind of family they feel is right for them; it’s not my place to judge or question the inspiration that family has received. Although my constant hope is that more families will open their hearts to kids in the “other” categories, it’s a wonderful thing that we can seek the Lord’s direction as we make these life-changing decisions, and we can trust that he will help us to accomplish the things that are best for our families.

I don’t know how the author of the post that spurred my thoughts ultimately resolved her feelings about ethical family building, and I must admit, I’m curious. I’m grateful that I feel perfectly at peace about the formation of my family and know that we followed the path that God laid out for us. This is the peace I wish for all adopting families.