Just for fun, here’s a list of my “favorite” questions and comments, roughly in order of how frequently I get them. :)

1. Six words: “You sure have your hands full!” Some days it’s all I can do to keep myself from responding, “Gee, that’s clever! You’re the first person who’s ever said that to me! Instead, I usually have a little fun with them and tell them how many I have at home. ;o) I know it’s petty, but I can’t tell you how much I detest having these words thrust at me daily!

2. Is this a daycare? When I answer, “no,” it usually leads into question #3.

3. Which ones are yours? I generally give a quizzical look like I don’t know what they’re... more

So, how do we tackle the negative comments that are couched in kindness?

My number one strategy with strangers is avoidance. As my friend Erin over at the transracial adoption blog recently observed, it’s pretty easy to sense when you are being watched, and it’s often an effective strategy to simply busy yourself with your family and not leave the door open for comments. It doesn’t work every time, but I know from experience that it works a lot!

When I simply can’t escape the “praise” of others, my second strategy is to cut them off before they can get to the “these kids” part of their speech and this approach can... more

Just the other day, I took my daughter in to the pediatrician because she had a strange rash on her stomach. Our regular pediatrician was gone and a locum doctor was there in her place. I had to explain about Cora’s albinism, which lead to a brief discussion about Haiti and how she’d been adopted. The doctor asked if we had other children, and I told her that we did and that Cora was one of three we’d just adopted from Haiti. She then asked if we were foster parents, and I told her that we had four birth children, two from China, and now the three from Haiti. She dropped Cora’s chart in her lap and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness! Does everyone around here know who you are? Are you well-known... more

Being an adoptive family or even a prospective adoptive family can open you up for all sorts of unwelcome questions, comments and general observations on your life. In my experience, I’ve only rarely been confronted by people who express overtly negative feelings on the subject of adoption, but I find that these kinds of run-ins aren’t the only ones that cause me to cringe. No, the worst encounters seem to occur when people’s ignorance gets in the way of their attempts to “praise” or offer “encouragement.” Just ask any couple that has experienced infertility... more

I can’t begin to present all of the available information and resources on adoptive breastfeeding here, but in a nutshell, adoptive moms have four major areas to investigate and consider as they decide whether to breastfeed:

1. Herbal and pharmacological options: Domperidone is no longer available to Americans, but some women have success with the drug Reglan. Some mothers also use the herbs fenugreek and blessed thistle. (See comments below for further info.) 2. Pumping: Especially if you aren’t using an herbal or medical approach to increasing your milk supply, pumping is crucial.... more

Because I had experience with it, I knew I could handle using one again. As you can see from the photo*, there is a small bottle for formula or expressed breast milk, with two tiny tubes that are affixed to the nipples using a soft surgical tape. When the baby latches on, he also gets the end of the tube in his mouth and is able to take in whatever breast milk is available, along with the milk in the bottle. The side benefit is that the more the baby is at the breast, the better the milk supply the mom can build up. While many nursing adoptive moms don’t... more

When we were waiting for the referral of our first Chinese daughter, I had a dream that was profound on two levels. First, I saw our baby. She was tiny, with wispy black hair and dressed in a blue sleeper. She looked much younger than I was expecting – maybe 6 months instead of the 10-11 months we were expecting based on referral trends at the time. The second profound thing was that I was breastfeeding her – something that had never before crossed my mind. This planted a seed that would later blossom into something wonderful... more

Who should evaluate your child

In our program, we have a multidisciplinary clinic that meets together a few times per month. We evaluate three children in the morning, with a rotating system, and then meet with the parents in the afternoon to discuss our findings and recommendations. Many early intervention programs offer a similar clinic.

In other programs, the different professionals assess a child one at a time, often in the child’s home. In some cases, the evaluating clinicians meet together at the end to compile... more

How to get an assessment for your child

In most cases, a parent’s first step is to get a referral from their child’s doctor. Unfortunately, there are far too many physicians who prefer to take a “wait and see” approach, and this is absolutely inappropriate for a child “at risk” because of his or her birth/developmental history. Parents themselves can also make the referral, so while a physician referral is ideal, it isn’t essential.

If you have a child under the age of 6, you’ll need to connect with your city or county’s... more

Most families who adopt waste no time having their children seen by a pediatrician or other appropriate physician. Particularly when children are adopted internationally, there are all sorts of things to rule out and check for (parasites and malnutrition being two we’re still battling, three months later). Those who adopt newborns domestically with known drug and/or alcohol exposure also are typically given a medical care plan at placement, and older, domestically adopted children can have their own medical issues that need to be addressed. ... more