OK, I’ve been keeping a little secret that I’m bursting at the seams to share: we’re going to Disneyland!

“OK, that sounds fun,” you say, “but what does it have to do with adoption?”

Much, my friend. Much.

You see, it all started when we began planning a “family honeymoon” of sorts for after the arrival of our three newest kids. We knew better than to head off on some fabulously wonderful vacation a week or two after they showed up because, one, we were broke, two, the pesky diarrhea problem would have put a damper on things,... more

Just for fun, here’s a list of my “favorite” questions and comments, roughly in order of how frequently I get them. :)

1. Six words: “You sure have your hands full!” Some days it’s all I can do to keep myself from responding, “Gee, that’s clever! You’re the first person who’s ever said that to me! Instead, I usually have a little fun with them and tell them how many I have at home. ;o) I know it’s petty, but I can’t tell you how much I detest having these words thrust at me daily!

2. Is this a daycare? When I answer, “no,” it usually leads into question #3.

3. Which ones are yours? I generally give a quizzical look like I don’t know what they’re... more

So, how do we tackle the negative comments that are couched in kindness?

My number one strategy with strangers is avoidance. As my friend Erin over at the transracial adoption blog recently observed, it’s pretty easy to sense when you are being watched, and it’s often an effective strategy to simply busy yourself with your family and not leave the door open for comments. It doesn’t work every time, but I know from experience that it works a lot!

When I simply can’t escape the “praise” of others, my second strategy is to cut them off before they can get to the “these kids” part of their speech and this approach can... more

Just the other day, I took my daughter in to the pediatrician because she had a strange rash on her stomach. Our regular pediatrician was gone and a locum doctor was there in her place. I had to explain about Cora’s albinism, which lead to a brief discussion about Haiti and how she’d been adopted. The doctor asked if we had other children, and I told her that we did and that Cora was one of three we’d just adopted from Haiti. She then asked if we were foster parents, and I told her that we had four birth children, two from China, and now the three from Haiti. She dropped Cora’s chart in her lap and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness! Does everyone around here know who you are? Are you well-known... more

Being an adoptive family or even a prospective adoptive family can open you up for all sorts of unwelcome questions, comments and general observations on your life. In my experience, I’ve only rarely been confronted by people who express overtly negative feelings on the subject of adoption, but I find that these kinds of run-ins aren’t the only ones that cause me to cringe. No, the worst encounters seem to occur when people’s ignorance gets in the way of their attempts to “praise” or offer “encouragement.” Just ask any couple that has experienced infertility... more