In my last post, I wrote about “comedienne” Chelsea Handler’s comments about Angelina Jolie’s adoptions – specifically why she chose to adopt internationally, and why she changed her Vietnamese son’s name to Pax. (Did ya notice how I put “comedienne” in quotes? Yeah. That’s because she’s not so funny.)

Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been wanting to write about the pros and cons of changing an adopted child’s name, and Ms. Handler’s criticism of Angelina’s decision to do just that gave me some food for thought.

I think I probably fall into the majority camp because I can see both sides of the argument and have done it both ways. Frankly, I’m still sorta wishy-washy about... more

Did you happen to catch tonight’s “Late Show with Jay Leno?” If you did, then you probably caught guest Chelsea Handler’s comments about Angelina Jolie and her adoptions, not to mention her [obnoxious] racist innuendo about Asians being bad drivers and Vietnamese being good at doing nails.

If you didn’t see it, I’ll summarize and give you my take, ‘cause that’s what I get paid to do. ;)

First, Chelsea criticized Angelina for “going overseas” to adopt when there are so many kids in American who need to be adopted. She asked what was wrong with the kids in America that so many felt they need to look for children elsewhere.

Second, she criticized Angelina for changing... more

In part one, I talked about how hurtful it can be to have adoption nay-sayers in your life, and in part two, I discussed ways we can remind ourselves that we’re doing the right thing, even in the face of negativity.

This section is all about talking through those unsolicited, negative comments!

If you’re like me, you’ve gotten fairly good at sizing up people’s comments on the fly. I’ve found that the vast majority of offensive comments/questions come from ignorance (e.g., “Do you have any kids of your own? Do you know anything about their real... more

In part one, I talked about how troubling it can be when others view adoption negatively and choose to tell us about it. Negative comments are hard to take from any source, but at least for me, are particularly hurtful when they come from people at church. In this post, I’ll discuss some ways we can get past our hurt feelings, and in part three, ways we can talk – amicably – with those who offend.

One fabulous reminder I got from a friend is that “inspiration is vertical, not horizontal.” ;) When others try to impart their “wisdom” to us, we can take comfort in knowing that they are not privy to the promptings... more

I have written and rewritten this post, and I’m having a hard time putting what I want to say in words that don’t make me sound embittered or judgmental. If it were just me that this topic affects, I think I could let it go. But this week, as I’ve talked to other LDS adoptive parents, I’ve (unfortunately) been shown that what I’m going to write about is not unique to me or my area. I hope that talking about it will help adoptive parents to know they’re not alone when they face similar sentiments, and that I can provide sound advice for dealing with negativity when it rears its ugly head.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that three other families in our ward have decided to adopt... more

In part one, I wrote about my struggles with our second adopted child and how I suffered from Post Adoption Depression. In this post, I’ll be discussing some of the things that helped me recover!

1. TIME! It was true for me that time was an excellent healer. As the days, weeks and months went by, I found myself feeling better and better. I also found that I could look back and more objectively see the progress Sofie had made with her behavior and abilities, as well as with our bonding. 2. Prayer. I prayed a LOT! I asked Heavenly Father to help me to overcome... more

I must confess, when I first heard the term “Post Adoption Depression” a few years ago, I thought it was tongue-in-cheek expression, like “Reluctant Husband Syndrome” or something. As I delved deeper into the adoption world, however, I learned that it was a very real phenomenon experienced by some people. Well, “some people” eventually included me.

When adopted our first Chinese daughter, everything went as wonderfully and smoothly as anyone could imagine. Our trip was fabulous, our first meeting was magical, and little Maizie exceeded all our expectations.

Why then, on our first night back in our own home, did I suddenly feel as though I were suffocating? For a while,... more

In my previous post, I wrote about a birthmother who is struggling greatly with her feelings of rejection. This birthmom was aware of her son’s whereabouts and the goings on in his life through a relationship with his adoptive parents, but she relates that she and the adoptive parents agreed in the beginning that they would allow the son to choose as an adult whether to have contact with his birthmom, so there has been no contact between them. The pain in her words reveals that although she made that... more

In part one, I wrote about specific recent conversations about birthparents with our daughters, but in this section, I’d like to talk about adoption discussion “environment” that exists in our family. I’m certainly not an expert on adoption discussions, but we base what we do and say on extensive reading of authors who are, and we rely heavily on prayer to guide us through the sticky spots.

First, we’ve always made adoption discussions A-OK. The kids know that they’re allowed to bring it up any time they want, and that any feelings they verbalize will not be challenged or hushed. They’re... more

Yesterday morning, I took Lulu (8, Haiti) and Maizie (5, China) with me to run some errands. Number one on my “to do” list was delivering a packet of pictures and a letter to my friend J, who was leaving for Haiti the next morning and would be seeing Lulu and Jackson’s birthmom. On the way, I explained to Lulu that J would be delivering the envelope to her birthmother and told her a bit of what I’d said in the letter. Lulu got very excited and began to ask if she could “go to Haiti tomorrow,” and after a brief explanation about why that wasn’t possible, she asked when we would be able to visit. I told her, as I have every time she asks, that we will visit when she is a... more