In part one, I wrote about specific recent conversations about birthparents with our daughters, but in this section, I’d like to talk about adoption discussion “environment” that exists in our family. I’m certainly not an expert on adoption discussions, but we base what we do and say on extensive reading of authors who are, and we rely heavily on prayer to guide us through the sticky spots.

First, we’ve always made adoption discussions A-OK. The kids know that they’re allowed to bring it up any time they want, and that any feelings they verbalize will not be challenged or hushed. They’re... more

Yesterday morning, I took Lulu (8, Haiti) and Maizie (5, China) with me to run some errands. Number one on my “to do” list was delivering a packet of pictures and a letter to my friend J, who was leaving for Haiti the next morning and would be seeing Lulu and Jackson’s birthmom. On the way, I explained to Lulu that J would be delivering the envelope to her birthmother and told her a bit of what I’d said in the letter. Lulu got very excited and began to ask if she could “go to Haiti tomorrow,” and after a brief explanation about why that wasn’t possible, she asked when we would be able to visit. I told her, as I have every time she asks, that we will visit when she is a... more

Additional resources:

The Genesis Group

From the website:

The Genesis Group was established to meet the needs of Black members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, many of whom were descendants of early pioneers, with the hope of reactivating those who had left the Church and of supporting new converts of African descent. It was established in 1971 under the direction of President Harold B. Lee with the assistance of Elders Gordon B. Hinckley,... more

2 Nephi 26:33 "...and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile."

Article of Faith Three

We believe that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. (emphasis mine)

“Sermons and Writings of Bruce R. McConkie”

"There are statements in our literature by the early Brethren that we have interpreted to mean that the Negroes... more

I can’t possibly do justice to all the different theories (and theories, they are) about curses and lineage and when and where and how the policy began, but I use the story of Abel’s murder and Cain’s subsequent punishment to illustrate that the “knowledge” some church members have on the subject of blacks and the gospel can be damaging to our children. I believe that even neutral and even well-intentioned comments, if doctrinally incorrect, are our responsibility to counter, just as we would any other adoption-related misconceptions. But we can’t educate others if we don’t first educate ourselves, and I sincerely hope that caucasian LDS parents will take this education seriously. At the... more

Another reason it’s a good idea for caucasian parents who hope to adopt transracially to have a handhold on race and church history is because social workers who are aware of the church’s past policy want to know how this will be handled with the child. “What priesthood ban?” is not a good response. If you are going to be a parent of a black child, you owe it to the child to educate yourself. Consider the experiences of one adoptive family:

I will never forget sitting across the desk from the guardian ad litem for my first son in her Milwaukee office. She was a polished, accomplished woman. She was black.... more

Since I was hired to create this blog, I’ve been wanting to tackle the difficult subject of race issues and the Church. In the beginning, it sounded like a logical topic to cover for an LDS adoption blog, knowing that many members adopt transracially. But each time I tried to start mentally composing something, it seemed just too emotionally and intellectually challenging.

I’ve been doing a little “research” over the last few weeks, and I suppose I’ve been trying to get my own bearings on “the facts” and how I feel about them before I write about something... more

Lulu was quiet for a minute and then said, or stated, more accurately, that her birthmother would be coming back with us. She went on to ask which bedroom she would sleep in once she got here, and when she silently considered the fact that there were no more available rooms, she offered up our master bedroom! At first, I thought we were being displaced, but then she clarified that her birthmother would share our bed with us since it’s so big. (It’s only a queen, by the way.) Ah, the logic of a child. ;)

I’ll admit I was thrown a little off-guard... more

Even though we talk about adoption issues on a daily basis in our family, we can go weeks between the really in-depth discussions that are prompted by specific questions from our children. The events of our evening, however, coincidentally elicited engaging conversations with two of our daughters.

Tonight, our daughter Lulu attended her first Achievement Days activity. Lulu won’t actually be eight until next Tuesday, but I arranged for her to go this week because the theme was “our heritage” and I hoped it would give her the chance to talk to... more