I’m betting that if you find some Joe Schmo on the street and ask him to tell you the first ten words he thinks of when you give him the word “adoption,” he’s bound to throw in words like “expensive” and “complicated” and even “dangerous.” He might tell you a story about a friend of a friend whose child was “taken back” by a birthparent or about his adopted cousin who ended up in jail (and of course, those two facts must be related.)

Yes, there are some difficult and awful adoption subjects (baby trafficking, disruption, Reactive Attachment Disorder,... more

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.” * I wonder if we sometimes forget this, and I have a million related questions. Are we sometimes too quick to “write off” children who come from riskier backgrounds because of the work that might be required of us, forgetting that they are divine spirit children of the same Father in Heaven? If so, are we justified in doing... more

I’ve mentioned before that I work 2-3 days per month assessing children from birth to six years as part of a multidisciplinary team, and today happened to be one of my workdays. Probably 50% of the children we evaluate are either current foster children, or were adopted from foster care, and we occasionally see children who were adopted privately as infants as well as a few (mostly mine!) who were adopted internationally.

Today, two of the three children we assessed were biological brothers who currently reside in different foster homes. They are numbers... more

So, what of charity? Is it such a poor adoption motivation? After all, you can look up “orphans” and “fatherless” in the Bible and find numerous references to the way the Lord wants such children to be cared for. We’re expected to provide for them as we are widows and the poor, so is it so bad to lump adoption in as a way we can exercise charity?

Consider this definition from the Bible Dictionary:

The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deeds or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive.

And consider Moroni 7:47:

But charity... more

Some adoptive parents argue that maybe this isn’t such a bad thing and go so far as to embrace the notion of “saving a child” and see it as a noble endeavor. A fellow adoptive parent once chided a group of other adoptive parents for distancing themselves from the notion of child saving. In essence, she said that you can call it whatever you want, but when you take an unwanted baby girl (in this case, Chinese) and make her a part of your forever family, rather than leaving her to an orphanage life and ultimately extreme poverty after she turns 18 and is discharged from her “home,” you are, in fact, saving her. And all the garbage that adoptive parents spew about how she would be giving up... more

In January, our local Christian radio station did a weeklong series on adoption. The underlying message in the programming was that if Christians are going to call themselves pro-life, they need to be willing to put their money where their mouths are, so to speak. (The argument was also made that increasing adoption would have the side benefit of decreasing abortion, but I don’t’ recall whether they cited any research to back this claim.) The speakers advocated starting adoption specific ministries within churches, presenting adoption seminars to educate people about the types and costs of adoption, and generally urged Christians everywhere to consider (and pray) about whether they could... more

If you have a family anything like mine, you’ve likely been praised for “giving a child a home” or “taking on these kids” or some similar sentiment. Most adoptive parents I know bristle at such comments, even though they’re usually well intentioned. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’ve found that the well intentioned, albeit ignorant, comments are the most difficult to deal with because it can be so hard to know how to respond. It’s almost easier when someone is blatantly rude, but the rude comments and questions come far more infrequently.

Nearly without exception, every time our family goes out in public, my husband and I have people tell us how neat/wonderful/loving we are... more