The cost of adoption can be a big obstacle for any hopeful adoptive family. There are few of us with a spare $10-30,000 tucked away in the sock drawer! I would venture to guess that finances top the list of adoption barriers for most families, and I would also venture to guess that it is at the root of the vast majority of “Reluctant Husband Syndrome” cases. ;)

So, must a couple be wealthy in order to adopt? There is certainly a prevailing attitude in America that couples must be well-off to adopt, and with adoption fees sometimes exceeding... more

Adopting from Haiti and other poverty-stricken countries can be a difficult journey for some families because sometimes children simply pass away during the wait. Living in a developed country as we do, it can be easy to forget that infant death and even older child death is a frequent occurrence in other nations. We take for granted things like medical insurance, prescription plans, and access to quality healthcare, while for people in places like Haiti, these are incomprehensible luxuries. In the case of our friend’s son-to-be, it is supremely frustrating to know that he’s only two hours from people and resources that could take care of his medical needs, yet there is so much in the way... more

A couple of days ago, I wrote about the miraculous story of many Liberian orphans being adopted by families within the same community. Amazingly, we have a little something like that going on where we live. In our little ward, we have four families, including our own, all involved in the various stages of Haiti adoption. I look forward to the day when all these new children join our ward and dramatically shift the demographics of our Primary!

Last Friday, two of these friends came over to my house so we could work on our dossiers together – theirs for Haiti and ours for Ethiopia. Ultimately, we didn’t get a whole lot of paperwork done because we spent a good chunk of our time... more

The assignment to bring in a baby photo can also be problematic for the adopted child. When my children attended public school, each one was asked to bring a baby photo and current photo to be displayed on the board for a matching game. Kids who could match newborn photos to their grown counterparts could win prizes, so they were all motivated to participate. Thankfully, this happened before we started adopting.

In another scenario, children are sometimes asked to bring in a baby photo and tell their classmates about their families. For one, baby photos of an adopted child may not exist (I have ONE newborn photo of ONE of my adopted children) and two, if the child is a person... more

In our family tree experiment, we were fortunate to be able to work on it in the privacy of our own home and in a way that didn’t single our daughter out in front of 30 other kids. If you’re confronted with an assignment given to your child, and particularly one that requires some sort of verbal presentation, Adoptive Family Magazine gives these suggestions for handing it.

For Younger Children

My Home: Children draw and name the people... more

Yesterday, just prior to writing my last post, my mother and I were discussing school activities that children are sometimes assigned to do, and how they can be problematic for adopted children. Two examples came to mind: the “family tree” project and the “who’s who?” baby photo activity. I had told my mom that because we are a homeschooling family, our adopted children would fortunately be spared these particular challenges. Well, the joke was on me when Lulu came home from Achievement Days last night with a blank family group... more

Lulu was quiet for a minute and then said, or stated, more accurately, that her birthmother would be coming back with us. She went on to ask which bedroom she would sleep in once she got here, and when she silently considered the fact that there were no more available rooms, she offered up our master bedroom! At first, I thought we were being displaced, but then she clarified that her birthmother would share our bed with us since it’s so big. (It’s only a queen, by the way.) Ah, the logic of a child. ;)

I’ll admit I was thrown a little off-guard... more

Even though we talk about adoption issues on a daily basis in our family, we can go weeks between the really in-depth discussions that are prompted by specific questions from our children. The events of our evening, however, coincidentally elicited engaging conversations with two of our daughters.

Tonight, our daughter Lulu attended her first Achievement Days activity. Lulu won’t actually be eight until next Tuesday, but I arranged for her to go this week because the theme was “our heritage” and I hoped it would give her the chance to talk to... more

Just for fun, here’s a list of my “favorite” questions and comments, roughly in order of how frequently I get them. :)

1. Six words: “You sure have your hands full!” Some days it’s all I can do to keep myself from responding, “Gee, that’s clever! You’re the first person who’s ever said that to me! Instead, I usually have a little fun with them and tell them how many I have at home. ;o) I know it’s petty, but I can’t tell you how much I detest having these words thrust at me daily!

2. Is this a daycare? When I answer, “no,” it usually leads into question #3.

3. Which ones are yours? I generally give a quizzical look like I don’t know what they’re... more

So, how do we tackle the negative comments that are couched in kindness?

My number one strategy with strangers is avoidance. As my friend Erin over at the transracial adoption blog recently observed, it’s pretty easy to sense when you are being watched, and it’s often an effective strategy to simply busy yourself with your family and not leave the door open for comments. It doesn’t work every time, but I know from experience that it works a lot!

When I simply can’t escape the “praise” of others, my second strategy is to cut them off before they can get to the “these kids” part of their speech and this approach can... more