9. Take a vacation. Everyone knows that finances can be tight in the midst of an adoption, but even if you can’t afford a deluxe Caribbean cruise, you can still plan a last couple-only (or smaller family-only) fling. Putting your plans off into the future a bit (but not so far that they could possibly conflict with your adoption schedule) will give you something fun to look forward to and help take your mind off the wait. Plan a long weekend in a city within a day’s drive. Go camping. Go visit grandparents. If you can’t spare a few... more

7. Diet/exercise. This is “do as I say and not as I do” case. ;) My goal with each adoption has been to LOSE as much weight as I would have gained if I were pregnant, so about 30 pounds. For the sake of full disclosure, I haven’t reached my goal on the first three adoptions, but I’m off to a good start with this one! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts… Anyway, especially since your time will be more limited once you have a new family member, it’s a good idea to use the wait time to get into better shape, eat healthier, and tackle other... more

5. Let someone throw you a shower. Even if you don’t know exactly the age and gender of the child you’ll be adopting, a shower is practically a rite of passage for expectant moms and shouldn’t be denied them just because they happen to be adopting an 8 year old. If you know the size and gender of your child-to-be, a traditional shower will work just fine. If you don’t, the shower can be limited to toys, gift certificates, gifts to help pamper mom, “coupons” a la “This coupon good for one free night of babysitting,” etc.

6. Start... more

3. Decorate the nursery or bedroom (or bedrooms if you’re like me and add a few at a time)! Again, some people think this is bad luck, but if you’re one of them – get over it! It’s fun! Yes, I had to come home from a failed adoption to an empty bed and closet full of new clothes and toys, and yes, it was hard, but we lived through it and went on to adopt another child, who – coincidentally – also needed a cute new bed and clothes. If you’re determined to adopt, you will adopt eventually even if you hit a few roadblocks along the way,... more

No matter what form of adoption you may be pursuing, chances are there’s a lot of waiting involved. Sometimes we try to console ourselves with the knowledge that human gestation is a nine-month process (so we should be able to stand to wait THAT long, right?), but with China adoptions creeping up toward a 20-month wait and some domestic adoptions taking literally YEARS, the waiting can be pretty difficult to get through. Especially when adoption timeframes are open-ended, as they can be with unstable countries, domestic newborn adoption, or trying to adopt a child... more

"Name-calling? I didn't mean anything!"

Often young children do not know the meaning of the words they use, but they do know that the words will get a reaction from the victim. Children need to learn that such language can hurt other people, and is as bad as throwing rocks. Children who yell a racist or other hurtful name in anger should be talked to right away. They must learn not to throw objects at or say hurtful words to other children. Children need to understand that they have made a mistake and have hurt someone.... more

As I’ve mulled over the ways I can handle this, I’ve sought help from several sources.

First, I turned to friends with multiracial families. Some offered advice, and some merely offered their sympathies, but all offered the comfort that comes from interacting with those who’ve endured the same sorts of trials.

Second, I turned to the scriptures. Even though I know that my sweet girl is a beloved daughter of God, and equal and deserving and precious in His sight, it is helpful for me to see this Truth in writing as I read the words of the Lord:

Acts... more

I couldn’t write about this yesterday because I was feeling very emotional and far from objective. Today, however, I’m going to tackle this, and hope that it will be of benefit to those of you who have or will encounter racism.

Although as a parent to children of color I expect - and try to be prepared for - racism, this was our first experience with a blatantly racist comment being directed at one of our children. (Far more common are the “what beautiful almond eyes” and “they have such interesting hair” varieties.) Yesterday afternoon, my oldest son Joshua... more

So, what of charity? Is it such a poor adoption motivation? After all, you can look up “orphans” and “fatherless” in the Bible and find numerous references to the way the Lord wants such children to be cared for. We’re expected to provide for them as we are widows and the poor, so is it so bad to lump adoption in as a way we can exercise charity?

Consider this definition from the Bible Dictionary:

The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deeds or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive.

And consider Moroni 7:47:

But charity... more

Some adoptive parents argue that maybe this isn’t such a bad thing and go so far as to embrace the notion of “saving a child” and see it as a noble endeavor. A fellow adoptive parent once chided a group of other adoptive parents for distancing themselves from the notion of child saving. In essence, she said that you can call it whatever you want, but when you take an unwanted baby girl (in this case, Chinese) and make her a part of your forever family, rather than leaving her to an orphanage life and ultimately extreme poverty after she turns 18 and is discharged from her “home,” you are, in fact, saving her. And all the garbage that adoptive parents spew about how she would be giving up... more