In my last post, I wrote about “comedienne” Chelsea Handler’s comments about Angelina Jolie’s adoptions – specifically why she chose to adopt internationally, and why she changed her Vietnamese son’s name to Pax. (Did ya notice how I put “comedienne” in quotes? Yeah. That’s because she’s not so funny.)

Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been wanting to write about the pros and cons of changing an adopted child’s name, and Ms. Handler’s criticism of Angelina’s decision to do just that gave me some food for thought.

I think I probably fall into the majority camp because I can see both sides of the argument and have done it both ways. Frankly, I’m still sorta wishy-washy about... more

If you read the other parts of this series, you know that I consider homeschooling to be a great option for older, internationally adopted children, but I thought you might like to hear the perspective of some other moms. It’s significant to note that while many of these families were already homeschoolers at the time they adopted, for some, as was the case in our family, the adoption was the catalyst for choosing homeschooling.

Sharee, a homeschooling mom of four, including Sarah, who was adopted from China at nearly six years of age, had this to say:

“During... more

First, wipe out your expectations. Assume you’re starting with a blank slate, and think of any skills you identify right away in your child as bonuses. This is not to say you should expect your child will be unintelligent, but chances are that he will be behind, will have learned things differently, and in the case of international adoption, will have limited English skills.

Second, don’t worry too much about doing formal “school” for the first few months. Just play! Read together, sing, dance, go for walks, plant flowers, go shopping, visit the park, go on picnics, cook, do art projects, play games, draw pictures, watch movies and just get to know your new child. In our case,... more

As I wrote in part one, I believe that homeschooling can be a great option for older adopted children, particularly when they come from an orphanage environment in another country. I think it deserves real consideration when parents begin to contemplate what their child’s education will be like once they arrive in their new home.

My very favorite reason for homeschooling our new 8 year old daughter is that it has given her the chance to do myriad things as part of “school”... more

When we adopted our daugher, Lulu, she was nearly eight years old but had had very little formal education in her birth country of Haiti. We knew from prior visits with her that she couldn’t write (and didn’t draw well), and that she couldn’t do basic math or even recognize letters and numbers. We also knew that on top of her limited academic experience, the language barrier would be an issue. During our adoption wait, we began to give some thought to homeschooling her as a way to help her catch up. I worried a little about how she’d feel being the only “big kid” not going to school, but over time, we started giving heavy consideration to homeschooling all our kids.

About this... more

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We all feel like things are getting better already. He seems to be harassing the kids less and less often. Unfortunately, he still needs to test Mike almost daily. The other day he came home saying that everyone at school likes him but he's always in trouble at home. We pointed out that at school he doesn't pester people and always does what he's told! I think that actually made some sense to him.

We'll get through this together, although poor Mike is growing a great deal more gray hair and I have to issue death threats at least twice a week.... more

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Garlise is becoming comfortable in his new world. He is beginning to think of us as his parents, and he understands that there is nothing any force on earth can do to make me abandon him. So he is now testing everything else. Like most children/teens from such abusive backgrounds, Garlise is compelled to do everything in his power to prove to himself that he will lose this family too. All of that righteous anger, bottled up for all those years, is coming out at last.

As a child it was dangerous to cry, tantrum, or in any other way draw attention... more

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In Haiti Garlise was in survival mode all the time, even in the orphanage where he knew he was safe. He freely accepted his role at BRESMA as the `man of the house' and took responsibility for many of the small children, as well as his completely clueless and helpless American mother each time I came to visit him. He escorted me everywhere I went, translated for me from Kreyol to my limited Kreyol, and tirelessly assisted me with all kinds of un-fun work I did for Magarette, the orphanage director and my boss. In Haiti, Garlise was a responsible, gentle,... more

I came across this letter this morning found it to be incredibly touching and poignant. It honestly presents the challenges of older child adoption, but celebrates the joys, as well. I am sharing it here, with permission, in the hopes that others will be inspired to accept those challenges and joys into their lives. It is long, but well worth the read.

Diana's Story:

Well, we're just shy of a year home for Garlise! Time for another Boni family update – the good, the bad, and the just plain goofy…

I am writing this very long letter for a purpose. My son will never thank me for it. In fact, someday, when he learns how I have broadcast our family's private... more

Similarly, children may feel strengthened and encouraged to know that once they are baptized and confirmed a member of the Church, they are entitled to the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. That the Holy Ghost is also known as “Comforter” may be an especially important point to emphasize with older kids who’ve suffered heartbreak. After baptism, the Holy Ghost can comfort them, inspire them, protect them, help them discern truth from falsehood and right from wrong, and help them to gain understanding. All of the “jobs” of the Holy Ghost can translate... more