Or, How to Drive Yourself Nuts in Five Simple Steps

Boy, when it rains, it pours! This has started out to be a CRAZY busy week, and I feel badly that it’s taken me a few days to finally get a post up. When I was mulling over some of the topics I’ve been considering, I decided to write about something that’s been occupying a bit of my time over the past few days: getting social security numbers for our newly adopted children.

Being the tax season procrastinators that we are, I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that I hadn’t yet applied for the new kids’ social security numbers. In the rare moments it crossed my mind over the last months, a cloudy of... more

I’ve become a pro at dossier assembly, and I think I could easily get everything done in two months (minus our I171H, which may or may not show up in that timeframe). But even though it goes against my nature, I think I need to take it slow so I don’t risk having documents expiring during our wait. We also don’t want a referral too soon, because we want to make sure we have at least a year between our Haitian kids’ arrival and the new child’s first appearance.

Once I get our dossier off, I’ll be researching our plans to (hopefully) make a side trip... more

I haven’t mentioned our current adoption much over the last couple of month because, well, there hasn’t been much to mention! Other than having our first of three homestudy visits, there’s been little movement. Our agency has one of the more popular and stable Ethiopia programs, and therefore has one of the longest waits. We were instructed when we applied that it would be a few months before we could really even get going on our dossier, and this was fine with us since it was only October when our three new Haitian kids came home.

The other day,... more

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We all feel like things are getting better already. He seems to be harassing the kids less and less often. Unfortunately, he still needs to test Mike almost daily. The other day he came home saying that everyone at school likes him but he's always in trouble at home. We pointed out that at school he doesn't pester people and always does what he's told! I think that actually made some sense to him.

We'll get through this together, although poor Mike is growing a great deal more gray hair and I have to issue death threats at least twice a week.... more

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Garlise is becoming comfortable in his new world. He is beginning to think of us as his parents, and he understands that there is nothing any force on earth can do to make me abandon him. So he is now testing everything else. Like most children/teens from such abusive backgrounds, Garlise is compelled to do everything in his power to prove to himself that he will lose this family too. All of that righteous anger, bottled up for all those years, is coming out at last.

As a child it was dangerous to cry, tantrum, or in any other way draw attention... more

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In Haiti Garlise was in survival mode all the time, even in the orphanage where he knew he was safe. He freely accepted his role at BRESMA as the `man of the house' and took responsibility for many of the small children, as well as his completely clueless and helpless American mother each time I came to visit him. He escorted me everywhere I went, translated for me from Kreyol to my limited Kreyol, and tirelessly assisted me with all kinds of un-fun work I did for Magarette, the orphanage director and my boss. In Haiti, Garlise was a responsible, gentle,... more

I came across this letter this morning found it to be incredibly touching and poignant. It honestly presents the challenges of older child adoption, but celebrates the joys, as well. I am sharing it here, with permission, in the hopes that others will be inspired to accept those challenges and joys into their lives. It is long, but well worth the read.

Diana's Story:

Well, we're just shy of a year home for Garlise! Time for another Boni family update – the good, the bad, and the just plain goofy…

I am writing this very long letter for a purpose. My son will never thank me for it. In fact, someday, when he learns how I have broadcast our family's private... more

RESOURCE LIST

Package courses

Pimsleur is an auditory-only, CD based program with38 different languages available. Full programs retail for $345 per 30-course level, but can be found new for more than half that and used at even greater savings, so be sure to shop around. Not all languages have multiple levels, but Mandarin, for example, has three, so be sure to check for package deals, as well. Sites such as Pimsleur... more

If you’re convinced you’d like to try to learn your child’s language, here are a few suggestions:

1. Consider asking for a special blessing to help you with your language-learning endeavor. As I studied my daughter’s language and later began communicating with her in person, I felt the blessings of the Lord pour out upon me and truly felt I had been given the gift of tongues. Certainly, desiring to speak with your child is a righteous desire, and I felt language knowledge just pouring into me as worked to improve my skills.

2. Find out what language... more

If you’ve talked to other adoptive parents of older children from other countries, you’ve probably heard something like, “You’ll be amazed at how fast your child will learn English! It’s only been six months, and now our daughter understands everything!” I agree with that, and it IS amazing, but six months can also seem like a L-O-N-G time if you aren’t running on all cylinders with your communication! As I’ve said in previous posts, I believe that hampered communication can interfere with the bonding process, and it’s just one more thing you can take steps now... more