In my previous post, I wrote about a birthmother who is struggling greatly with her feelings of rejection. This birthmom was aware of her son’s whereabouts and the goings on in his life through a relationship with his adoptive parents, but she relates that she and the adoptive parents agreed in the beginning that they would allow the son to choose as an adult whether to have contact with his birthmom, so there has been no contact between them. The pain in her words reveals that although she made that... more

Please, before you read this post, read this one from the Adoption.com forums and then come back and join me. :)

For readers unfamiliar with our family’s adoption stories, I will say in the interest of full disclosure that we have not adopted domestically and therefore don’t have firsthand experience with writing a letter to birthparents, deciding what sort of adoption (open, semi-open, closed) we’re comfortable with, or dealing with any of the other decisions and issues typically associated with a domestic adoption. But thanks to some unusual twists, we found ourselves in the unique... more

Even though Karen and I were miles apart, the Spirit bore witness to both of us that her choice and my growing up in the family I did were all in accordance with Heavenly Father’s plan.

Karen and I made plans to meet in person, and in the 13 years since that night, Karen has become a cherished friend. She has developed a special relationship with my sweet mother as well. Karen has never attempted to take my mother’s place. She simply adds another dimension of love to a life full of blessings. She has also become “Grandma Karen” to my... more

One afternoon at work, I finally convinced myself to make the phone call. I spoke with two sweet-sounding people who could not emphasize enough how happy they were that I had called. They briefly told me about their family and the circumstances surrounding my birth. Their daughter, Karen, had become pregnant as a high school senior, with no option of being happily married. They asked about me and my life. They requested my home phone number and told me they would have Karen call me that evening. So I went home after work quite anxious about... more

By the end of the year, when life was starting to feel a little more settled, I got an unusual telephone call from my mother. She had received a letter from a couple in Utah who said they were the maternal grandparents of a baby girl placed for adoption in Sandpoint, Idaho, 28 years previously. They requested that if my parents were willing, the information containing their names, address, and telephone number be forwarded to me.

My mother explained that the letter had taken a miraculous journey to reach her. It was originally mailed... more

Adults who were placed in adoptive families in infancy through LDS Family Services (and similar placement agencies) can be difficult for birthparents to track down. Thirty years ago, adoptions were nearly always closed and sealed, often making it very difficult for parties to locate each other. Thankfully, LDSFS placements have moved to a much higher degree of openess in recent years, allowing birthchildren and birthparents easier reconnection, should they choose.

Today I came across a wonderful article in the June 2006 edition of The Ensign which... more

I came across this beautiful letter today and wanted to share it with all of you. You can read the introductory information and comments on the letter here. It was written by a woman named Karen, who I gather used to write for the LDS blog, By Common Consent.

Dear Birth Mother,

I don’t remember meeting you, although I’m sure that I made quite an impression on you 31 years ago. I know it must have been hard to make the decision to put me up for adoption. But I wanted you to know that I consider it to be the most admirable selfless act that... more

Again, my perceptions may be useless since I’m not a PBP, but the message that I get from a lot of the letters I’ve looked at is that they’re much more about the adoptive family than the placing family. Obviously, the letter is to introduce the PAP to the PBP, but I think that introduction can be made without it being quite so one-sided, and in a way that acknowledges what the PBP is going through, but not in a trite way. In a way that tells about your family in an interesting and unique way, but without relying on stereotypes. In a way that assures that you’d... more

Having spent the last couple of hours researching for this post, I’m left with a certain je ne sais quoi feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I sense that were I indeed a pregnant woman weighing adoption, I might be able to take these letters only in small doses and for short stretches at a time. Most of them tell me I’m an angel, thank me for choosing life for my baby, and thank me again for considering giving this precious gift. (Not sure how I feel about baby=gift mentality). After a while, the letters begin to run together. The people in them are... more

Before I get going with this entry, I want to make it clear right off the bat that I don’t believe any expectant parent who is merely considering an adoption plan should be referred to as a “birthparent.” I used the above title only because it is commonly used and lets you know immediately what this entry is about, but at the same time, I hope this post adequately explains why it might be best to avoid this type of address in a letter.

The letter that hopeful adoptive parents write to prospective birthparents is probably the most crucial part of... more